Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
