3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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