did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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