watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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