I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
