Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
