he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize