Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
