Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
