we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
