So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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