You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
