Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
