looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
