He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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