Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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