No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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