How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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