My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
