I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
