Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As shirtless as possible
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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