my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize