Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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