Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't just leave with hair like that
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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