Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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