the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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