Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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