you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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