Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
