You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
