This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am naked and annoyed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
