a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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