Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
