I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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