are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
