i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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