you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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