Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
