The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
