Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He felt like a one man threesome
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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