I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
