my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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