Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize