I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
