I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
