I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
