Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
