summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
