He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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