If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
