Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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