My balls are so social today.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
