yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
