i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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