shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
