THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
