I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
