so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
