i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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