I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
