what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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