I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize