Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
