oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
third nipple confirmed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
