You work out of a Hotel?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
