So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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