For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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