textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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