for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Even my vagina gasped.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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