Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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