I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
