His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
