I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
