There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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