did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
