I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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