life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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