so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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